


San Junipero: Midnight Drifters

by Fuffywumple



Category: Black Mirror (TV), San junipero - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Fluff, I Wrote This For No Apparent Reason, Yorkie is sad :(, midnight shenanigans, they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 13:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuffywumple/pseuds/Fuffywumple
Summary: Yorkie has troubles sleeping, so Kelly tries to cheer her up!Not sure why I made this, but I just kinda did, so enjoy!





	San Junipero: Midnight Drifters

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I originally didn't intend to post this anywhere, as posting my works online has become very stressful for me over the past year, but since this is just a short story, I figured, "What's the harm?" It's quite rough, and unpolished (again, as I am spontaneously posting this), but I may go through and do some edits later. Anyway, without further ado, here it is!

It was 1am, and Yorkie couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t sure why, as she had very little problems with sleep after becoming a permanent resident of San Junipero. Living in a utopian simulation had its perks.

In the bed beside her, Kelly Booth was fast asleep, with her lips cracked open, and nostrils flaring with each exhale. The sight caused a warm flush through Yorkie’s chest, and she found herself smiling without intention. For a moment, she considered waking Kelly up, but she didn’t want to disturb her.

The sound of the waves rolling up onto the sandy shore just outside her window caused Yorkie realize how thirsty she was. She ran her tongue along the dried roof of her mouth.

Careful as to not wake Kelly, Yorkie got out of bed, and tiptoed across the hardwood floor with her bare feet.

Yorkie had been living with Kelly at her beach side house for the past few months now, but she still often forgot what cabinet the cups were in. After her second attempt, Yorkie found a pink plastic cup and filled it with water from the tap. Throwing her head back, Yorkie downed the whole cup in three gulps. 

Multiple times, Kelly had questioned Yorkie as to why she kept her hydration slider at an average level. She always thought of it as a no-brainer decision. Yorkie came into San Junipero to live the life she never could, the life that was stolen away from her at so young. All those years she was trapped in the prison of her own body. She wanted to remember what it was like to live. That included dealing with all the demands that came with doing so. All of her sliders were set to near the default for what she would have experienced on earth.

Filling up the cup again, Yorkie found herself restless on her feet. The thick fog of sleep had faded from her mind, and now she knew she couldn’t get back to sleep until she calmed down again. She wandered around the house, running her fingers along every surface within arm’s length.

There was an abandoned surfboard in the corner near the bathroom. Yorkie remembered when she had tried to learn to surf. How she somehow managed to break her arm in the effort. It hurt so bad, but Yorkie loved it. The pain felt real, it felt ignited. Kelly kept bugging her about fixing it right then and there, but Yorkie put on a cast and set the healing time to three weeks. Many times, Kelly has voiced her feelings towards Yorkie’s stubbornness.

Yorkie kept moving, looking at every item as if she had never seen it before. The weirdly shaped lamp next to the couch, the fact that Kelly didn’t have a TV, and even the record player stashed in the corner. Kelly had impeccable taste.

The photo of Kelly’s daughter, Allison, caused her to pause. Yorkie hadn’t looked at it since the first time she visited Kelly’s place, and she mistook it for Kelly’s mom. A wave of guilt overcame Yorkie, and she turned away from the picture. She couldn’t stand the reminder of kelly picking her over her own daughter.

Yorkie made her way back to the bedroom, looking down at a still sleeping Kelly, whose fingers gave an occasional twitch. Yorkie wondered what she was dreaming about. Creeping past the bed, Yorkie stepped out onto the back deck. She sat on the edge of the wooden surface, taking a sip from her cup while she listened to the waves rolling over and over again.

The sound of the waves rolling over and over again let Yorkie sink back into her own mind. She closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale of the ocean air. She had been in San Junipero for some time now, but it all felt so new, so surreal. Each step, each scratch, even every lick of her lips was something she hadn’t done in over forty years. It would take a lot more getting used to. 

Her mind couldn’t stop wandering back to Allison, and Richard, and all the people Kelly left behind just to be with Yorkie. There was a time that Yorkie didn’t believe in any kind of afterlife. That once you were gone, you were  _ gone.  _ But after Kelly, she couldn’t help but think more of it. What if there  _ was  _ an afterlife, with Kelly’s daughter and husband waiting for her? Yorkie just stole her away from them.

She didn’t deserve Kelly’s love. That was something she told herself over and over again. She had been mean, and tried to manipulate Kelly into staying with her by saying the nastiest things. The words with still on Yorkie’s tongue. She took another sip of water, but they stayed. 

There are even some days that Yorkie didn’t think Kelly even wanted to be there. Days where Kelly seemed distant, or uninterested, or staring at the photo of Allison for long periods of time. Unmoving, unspoken. It broke Yorkie’s heart, yet she didn’t have the heart to ask her for the truth.

“What are you doing out here?”

Yorkie’s heart almost stopped. She flinched so hard that her lungs felt cramped, and she found herself at a momentary loss of breath.

Kelly stood in the doorway, her eyes half lidded in exhaustion, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her voice wavered with the ghost of a chuckle.

“No, its…” Yorkie looked at her lap, “its okay. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kelly said walking towards the edge of the deck, “you didn’t.”

Yorkie nodded, rubbing the back of her neck. She wanted to ask why Kelly had woken, but for some reason, she couldn’t form the words. Her eyes stayed glued on the moonlit ocean, even as Kelly set down right beside her, as their shoulders rubbed together.

When Yorkie finally looked at Kelly, she had pulled a cigarette out of… somewhere? and placed it between her lips. Yorkie ignored the smell of the smoke as it blew towards her in the gentle wind. The smoke didn’t bother her, it never had; even as a child.

Kelly wrapped an arm around Yorkie, the sudden movement causing her to tense up. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s the matter?’ Kelly asked.

“It’s…” Yorkie looked back at the waves, “nothing. I’m just thinking.”

Kelly blew out a long stream of smoke, “Well, what are you thinking about?”

“Everything.” Yorkie said, trying to make sure her voice didn’t crack with tears. She failed.

Kelly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Yorkie’s cheek, a gesture that Yorkie leaned into instinctively. The affectionate nature of Kelly’s intimacy was already making Yorkie feel heavier with sleep. She took another sip of her water.

Yorkie leaned her body into Kelly, pressing their sides together. Kelly was so warm against the cold breeze, her body a beacon for Yorkie to find her way home. Kelly wrapped her arm around Yorkie, pulling her somehow closer as she spoke in Yorkie’s ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Yorkie’s voice was a mumble. More to herself than to Kelly. She wondered if Kelly had even heard it, or if she should repeat herself.

“But really,” Kelly said after the moment had passed, “I can tell something is bothering you. What is it?”

“I just couldn't sleep,” Yorkie turned to look at Kelly, “that’s it. Really.”

Kelly’s brows furrowed, “Why?”

“I don’t know.” Yorkie sounded miserable.

“There has to be  _ some  _ reason.”

Defensive, Yorkie felt herself tense, “Yeah? Well why did  _ you  _ wake up?”

At a loss for an answer, Kelly said nothing. It made Yorkie’s eyes sting.

“I’m sorry.” Yorkie said, “that was-”

Abruptly, Kelly stood, “Let’s go swimming.”

“Wh... now?” Yorkie asked, confused.

“Yes, now.” Kelly said, “come on!” She flicked her cigarette into the sand, grinding the lit paper with the ball of her foot. Yorkie could only imagine how painful that would feel, if Kelly could feel any pain at all.

“It’s one in the morning.” Yorkie said.

Kelly threw her arms into the air, “So?”

Yorkie couldn’t stop the laugh that rose from her throat, “You’re stupid.”

“Stupidly fun.” Kelly corrected, and in the blink of an eye, she was wearing a bathing suit. It was forest green, and had pineapples on it; Yorkie had never seen it before.

Impatient with Yorkie’s hesitation, Kelly grabbed her hand and yanked her to her feet. Yorkie let out a startled yelp as Kelly dragged her to the water, eager to splash in the moonlight glow.

Yorkie planted her feet, staying on the shoreline while Kelly ran into the water, howling with laughter, and splashing everything around her. It made Yorkie smile, but her chest also stung. 

The water seemed much more intimidating at that moment. Forceful waves pushing themselves closer to the shore. The full moon winking over and over across the water’s warped surface.

“What are you waiting for?” Kelly called out, a big smile plastered on her face. Yorkie rubbed her arm, trying to gain the confidence to step in. She couldn’t.

“I… I don’t know.” Yorkie admitted, feeling a pit start to form in her stomach. Kelly must have been disappointed in her. 

After walking back to shore, Kelly took Yorkie’s hand. “Don’t be shy. We’ve done this plenty of times.”

It was different during the day, Yorkie found. Not many people visited this side of the beach, favouring the part closer to town. The brightness and warmth of the day made everything more welcoming. The sand was beige and bright. The water was a magnificent blue; the colour of Yorkie’s wide eyes. Now, though. The water was pitch dark, and angrier waves crashed on to the shoreline. It was unwelcoming, to say the least.

Yorkie didn’t want to create a commotion, so she nodded.

“Okay?” Kelly let go of Yorkie’s hand.

“Yeah. Okay.”

A playful smile curled on Kelly’s face as she began to back into the water with slow steps.

“Is it cold?” Yorkie asked, steeling herself to move forward.

“Not at all.”

With a forceful exhale, Yorkie placed her right foot into the water. Instantly, she yelped. It was  _ freezing. _ She heard Kelly’s laughter from down the water.

Yorkie fumed, “You told me it wasn’t cold!”

“Did I?” Kelly shrugged, “oops.”

“You-” Yorkie takes a few wide strides into the water, gasping once the water reaches her thighs. Kelly as a bit further away, up to her chest. She was trying to play it cool, but Yorkie could see her quick breaths as the cold water froze her lungs.

Looking down, Yorkie noticed that her pants were dry; despite being under the chilly water. She reached her hand in for a moment, swirling it around before pulling it back out. Her skin was coated in water, she flicked off some of the droplets on her knuckles. Huh, that was definitely handy.

Yorkie took another deep inhale as she stepped further into the water. The waves were rolling up to her bellybutton, causing her breath to hitch and break.

Without warning, Yorkie was splashed with water. Her entire body froze, arms outstretched, as she looked up at Kelly. Another splash came again, created by Kelly smacking the water at an angle that hit Yorkie head on.

“Stop! Stop!” Yorkie shouted, shivering in the cold water. But Kelly didn’t stop, she continued to soak Yorkie with water. 

Feeling uncomfortable, and a little bit angry, Yorkie charged forward. Kelly was shocked just enough to make it easy for Yorkie to wrap her hands around Kelly’s waist, and lift her into the air. Kelly laughed and squirmed in Yorkie’s grasp.

A large wave rolled in, knocking both Kelly and Yorkie into the water. Kelly continued to laugh, while Yorkie sputtered and gasped from the water in her lungs. Kelly’s laughter to continued, and Yorkie let out a few stunned chuckles. It reminded her of the time that Kelly almost crashed her Jeep when they were on their way to her house. Yorkie was shaken to her core, but she figured it was better to laugh than to cry.

“You alright?” Kelly asked, when they had both gotten to their feet. Yorkie only nodded, a little out of breath. Now that the adrenaline had worn out, Yorkie felt that familiar weight settle back on to her torso.

“Mhm…” Yorkie hummed, rocking on her feet as the waves tried to push her down. There was a moment of silence where Yorkie refused to look at Kelly. She could only imagine what Kelly was thinking, and the way she was looking at Yorkie’s pathetic stare at the ground.

“Let’s go.” Kelly said, taking Yorkie’s hand and taking them out of the water. Complicit, Yorkie followed with very little resistance. She just wanted to go back to bed, close her eyes, and try to force herself to sleep. She could just tap into her settings and knock herself right out, but that’s not how people do things in the real world.

Yorkie’s steps were clumsy, but she was letting Kelly drag her along. “Where are we going?” She was aware of how miserable she sounded, but Yorkie was too buried in her own head to care.

“You’ll see. Come on.” Kelly said, dragging Yorkie around to the front of the house.

On their way to Kelly’s Jeep, Yorkie couldn’t help but notice her red Miata sitting out front nearby. She really did like that car, it was the same one as she had when she first started driving.

The car she crashed.

She would be lying if she didn’t often remember that as she drove. After all, that crash brought her where she was at that moment. A dead girl with the body of a twenty-four year-old, and the mind of a seventy-six year-old. It was a stupid fear, as nothing could go wrong in San Junipero, but it was a fear Yorkie would probably carry with her for as long as forever lasted. Kelly did most of the driving, between them.

Kelly let go of Yorkie’s hand to get in the car, sticking the keys into the ignition. Alarmed, Yorkie stepped forward, “Hey! You’re still in your bathing suit.”

“Oh.” Kelly looked down at herself, then in an instant, she was wearing partying clothes. Denim jacket, hooped earrings, styled hair, her typical getup. “Better?”

Yorkie nodded, “Better.”

With a turn of the keys, Kelly’s Jeep rumbled to a start, headlights blinding to Yorkie, even though she wasn’t in direct line of sight. She blinked a few times, trying to reorient herself after the bright flash caused her vision to be impaired.

“Slow poke.” Kelly called from the driver’s seat, “you coming?”

Yorkie hesitated, tapping the tips of her fingers together, “Where are we going?”

Kelly smiled, she was used to Yorkie’s apprehension, “Tucker’s. You need a drink right now.”

She wasn’t wrong, and Yorkie knew that. She hesitated before pulling herself into the car. She looked down as Kelly regarded her, noticing that she was still in her pyjamas. In an instant, she changed her clothes. A nice salmon pink button down with jean shorts. Kelly gave a soft laugh. Not a mean one, though.

“Ready?” Kelly asked, moving her hand to the clutch. Yorkie nodded.

The car kicked into gear, crunching over the gravel below it as Kelly pushes on the gas. Yorkie’s stomach sank for a moment. She would never get used to the feeling of being in a car as it took off like that. She felt herself shiver at the memory, brought up easily by San Junipero’s Memory Recall system.

She distracted herself by turning on the radio system, and letting the thumping tunes of Whitney Houston sink into her bones. Yorkie wiggled her toes to the music, staring straight forward at the road ahead.

Yorkie was no stranger to seeing San Junipero in the nighttime, beautiful neon lights illuminating the darkness. It was all right out of a dream, a movie. No matter how many times she saw San Junipero at night, she would fall in love all over again.

As they got closer to town, the streets were less crowded than normal, but the bars and clubs had music seeping out the walls, and on to the empty streets. Make no mistake, San Junipero was a party town, all day and all night.

It was hard for Yorkie to wrap her head around the fact that this place was home. That she finally had a home, after 45 years of being stuck in hospitals with no way of moving, speaking, living. Each day was a wonder. Every morning Yorkie was surprised to sit up, to stand and stretch, to cuddle and kiss the girl lying beside her.

The girl she could love openly; without shame and without compromise. No one judged her, no one shunned her. Yorkie belonged in San Junipero. More than she could ever belong back with her family. In a way, she cursed them. She cursed them for what they had done. How they had taken away her whole life because they refused to love her for who she was.

But without them, she wouldn’t have met Kelly. She probably would have never went to San Junipero, never discovered the life she always wanted. Yorkie hated feeling indebted to them for that. Everything happened for a reason, right?

Kelly parked the Jeep in the alley beside Tucker’s, pressing the vehicle far enough from the brick building to allow room for her to get out of the car. Yorkie hopped out of her side, somewhat intimidated of being at Tucker’s despite having been there too many times to count.

Yorkie accepted Kelly’s arm as they made their way to the entrance, locking their arms together, and pulled one another close. The thumping music got louder and louder as they entered the bar, to the point where it became so loud that she would have to yell to communicate with Kelly.

The two girls squeezed through the busy dance floor, Yorkie pressing herself against Kelly as much as she could. When they got to the bar, Yorkie was relieved to see that it was relatively empty. Everyone was either on the dance floor, or stuffed into the small booths, slobbering all over each other.

Blondie was working that night. Moving up and down the bar as though his pants were on fire. He barely glanced at Kelly and Yorkie before producing tow Jack and Cokes. Thousands of people came through Tucker’s a day, tourist or not, but Blondie seemed to remember those two the most.

“Always a pleasure, Blondie!” Kelly called out to him over the music, taking her drink and swigging a fair amount of it.

The bartender just shook his head with a gentle smirk, and went off to serve a couple who had approached the bar in search for Vodka.

Kelly eyed her drink, a fair amount of disdain curling her lips. Yorkie just looked around, trying to let everything soak in. The thumping music and moving bodies had knocked away the tired stupor Yorkie had found herself in after the comfort of sitting by the ocean. At that rate, she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep until sunrise.

“Hey.” Kelly bumped Yorkie’s shoulder, “what’s the matter?”

Yorkie looked down at her drink, sliding a finger along the rim while she tried to think of something to say. “A lot.” She started with, “or maybe a little? All I know is that something is bothering me. Something is  _ wrong  _ with me, or else I’d still be asleep right now.”

Kelly reached over, placing her hand on top of Yorkie’s, and pulling it away from the glass she was fidgeting with. “Nothing is wrong with you, Yorkie.”

Their fingers wrapped together, and Yorkie forgot how amazing it was when their hands intertwined; fingers creating a web that could never break. A bond that would never struggle.

“Maybe not me.” Yorkie admitted, “but something isn’t right. I can feel it.”

With a steady hand, Kelly placed both of their hands on her cheek, “Let’s just try to feel something else right now, okay?”

Yorkie’s face felt hot, and she looked down; her head felt weighted with all the things she was thinking.

“Okay?” Kelly repeated, keeping their hands pressed to her warm cheek. Yorkie nodded in reply. It wasn’t until then that Kelly let go, and went back to her drink, seemingly confident that Yorkie was telling her the truth.

Yorkie sniffed the drink to try and see how strong it was. Blondie must have been in a bit of a hurry, because the scent of Rum was rather weak. She didn’t mind, though. It burned her throat if it was too strong.

Kelly however, did mind. She chugged the drink before slamming the glass down on the counter. Yorkie was afraid it would break if she did that one more time. Taking a few glances from left to right, Kelly hopped over the counter.

“What are you doing?” Yorkie yelped, looking over at Blondie, who was distracted by a row of thirsty partygoers. Kelly acted with precise movements, making herself with enough Jack Daniels to knock Yorkie out with just one sip.

“Helping myself.” Kelly replied, topping off the drink with Coke. She tipped the bottle towards Yorkie. “Need a top-up?”

Yorkie shook both her hand and her head. Kelly nodded in understanding and turned to put everything back where it used to be. Not in time, however, as Blondie had turned to see Kelly messing around behind the bar.

“Hey! Get out of here!” He shouted at her, his tone playful. Kelly squeaked with laughter, hopping over the bar. Yorkie instinctively jumped out of the way of Kelly tumbling across the bar, but she felt her back collide with something hard.

When she whipped around, there was a tall man standing beside her, his drink having been spilled on his shirt. Something told Yorkie she had something to do with that. The stranger looked furious, stomping towards Yorkie as she stumbled away from him.

The stranger’s voice was a loud growl that surpassed the music, “What. The.  _ Hell?” _

Yorkie felt her heart seize, “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“I don’t  _ care  _ what you  _ meant  _ to do.” The man yelled, “You made me spill my drink.” 

The whole ordeal made Yorkie confused as much as she was scared. Couldn’t he just get a new drink, or change his shirt, on command? This was the place where nothing went wrong. That everything was perfect and you couldn’t let anything go wrong. 

“Say something, you bitch.” The man snarled, “or I’ll kill ya.”

Yorkie felt dizzy. She wanted to run, she wanted to cry. Is that how the locals acted when she had gone to sleep?

From behind her, Kelly grabbed Yorkie’s arm, and started pulling her from the club. The angry stranger started yelling and cursing, following them as they forced their way through the busy dance floor. The two women found it easy to slip through the clusters of dancers, but the stranger got caught up in the groove of the night.

Kelly’s laughter rang out through the street as the two women escaped the pursuit of the needlessly angry man. Yorkie wanted to laugh, too, but all she could do was gasp for breath. She had never seen someone so angry at San Junipero. No one was ever angry, or sad, except the tourists.

“What was  _ his  _ problem?” Kelly’s voice was airy from the recovery of laughter and running. She still had a large smile plastered on her face when she looked at Yorkie, who was probably as pale as a sheet. 

Yorkie shook her head for a moment, trying to get her bearings, “I… bumped into him, or something? His drink spilled then he was all mad at me.” Everything about the night wasn’t right, Yorkie wondered if it was all a dream, as she was able to have some very vivid dreams in San Junipero. Funny that anyone could sleep at all there. A dead subconscious uploaded to a virtual heaven was able to sleep. 

“Well,” Kelly looked at the cloudless sky, “I guess Tucker’s isn’t an option anymore.”

“Maybe not.” An airy chuckle followed Yorkie’s words.

“Where to now?”

Yorkie felt herself shaken by the events that had already transpired. She just wanted to go back to the house, lay in bed, and close her eyes. Her watch read 2:15, and seeing the letters had made her exhausted. “I don’t know. Can we just-” 

“Got it!” Kelly said, already skipping back to the Jeep.

“Got what?” Yorkie asked, scurrying to the Jeep as Kelly sat in the driver’s seat.

“You’ll see soon.” Kelly said, “now let’s get going. We’re losing moonlight!”

Yorkie wanted to refuse. She wanted to insist that Kelly bring her back home, but she felt powerless against Kelly’s radiant smile.

Yorkie hoisted herself into the Jeep, “Okay, okay. But at least tell me where we’re going.”

“That’d ruin the fun.” Kelly started the Jeep, barely checking her surroundings before driving out of the alley, and speeding down the street. Kelly’s reckless driving always made Yorkie nervous. She felt especially nervous as Kelly removed one of her hands from the wheel to stroke Yorkie’s bare thigh.

Yorkie held her breath as Kelly’s thumb rubbed the inside of her thigh. She could tell that Kelly kept glancing over at her, but she kept her eyes glued to the road ahead; trembling under Kelly’s touch.

They were driving somewhere Yorkie had never been; exiting the south of the town, and continuing down a road heading somewhere. Yorkie’s stomach squeezed with both nerves and anticipation. Sleep was way past her now, completely out of the question. She didn’t know if she was happy about that or not.

“How far is the drive?” Yorkie asked, her breath hitching slight as Kelly’s hand shifts on her thigh.

“Relax, we’ll be there soon.” Kelly replied, giving Yorkie’s thigh a gentle squeeze, “just enjoy the drive.”

With a tiny whimper, Yorkie nodded, and leaned back in her seat. She then directed her attention to the world outside the Jeep. There was really only a windshield, so her hair was tossed around, and forceful winds shot up her nose. Through the messy jumble of her hair, Yorkie could make out a building in the distance. It wasn’t the Quagmire, that was to the east of town. In the darkness, she couldn’t see much.

Dust kicked up as Kelly threw her car into the rather empty parking lot. The sudden turn made Yorkie feel sick, her stomach lurched in a very uncomfortable way. Kelly parked very lopsided in one end of the lot, and pulled her keys from the ignition.

“Ready?” Kelly asked, already jumping out of the car.

Yorkie slid out of her seat, staring at the large building. She couldn’t quite tell what it was supposed to be. There were blue and red lights cast along the beige brick building. There was a large neon logo, similar to the one at Tucker’s, plastered on the front of the building. 

“What is ‘High Rollers’?” Yorkie asked, fixated on the sign as she followed Kelly to the door. 

Kelly pushed open the front doors, “Let’s see, shall we?”

Walking in, Yorkie gawked at the Roller Rink the two girls had stepped into. Tables and concession stands surrounded the outer edges of the building, sparse couples chatting over the quiet music playing in the background.

The concessions ranged from popcorn and hot dogs to milkshakes and cotton candy. The mixing aromas made Yorkie feel like she was just a child again. Her throat felt clogged.

As for the tables, there were maybe two or three couples sitting at respective tables. Laughing over memories or feeding each other french fries as if it wasn’t a public area. They wore cliche jackets and their hair was all a mess, not to say Yorkie’s wasn’t, but she had an edge on them.

In the center, though, was a large, unoccupied rink. The ground was made of hardwood, with a disco ball hanging above it. Yorkie wanted to roll her eyes at the tacky 70’s ball that was spinning around, but she couldn’t help how charming it felt. Pink and red lights spun around the room with the disco ball, giving everything a gentle glow that made the whole room feel ethereal.

“Wow… this is…” Yorkie stepped further into the room, inhaling the deep smell of Hot Dogs and fake smoke (likely from a smoke machine nearby), “this is incredible.”

“Isn’t it?” Kelly replied, taking Yorkie’s hand, “I've always loved this place.”

Yorkie shook her head, and looked at Kelly, “Why haven’t you told me?”

“I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment.” Kelly brought up Yorkie’s hand, and gave it a feather kiss, “like now.”

Yorkie felt her face get hotter as her and Kelly walked to the rink. The circular playground was surrounded by something rough, but not metal or concrete. Yorkie couldn’t tell what exactly it was; she ran her fingers along the substance as Kelly grabbed them each a pair of roller skates.

The shoe had four wheels on the bottom; something Yorkie had never seen before. She stared at the shoe, turning it around to inspect as much of it as possible. She was smitten by it. Beside her, Kelly was sitting on a bench near the entrance, tightening the straps around her feet.

“What, never seen a roller skate before?” Kelly asked, standing rather sill to avoid slipping. It made Yorkie feel anxious just looking at her.

Yorkie shook her head.

Kelly laughed, “Wow. You never did  _ anything  _ growing up, did you?”

Yorkie was almost flippant, “Not unless you count going to a Church where everyone hated you because of the people you love.”

Kelly’s face fell, her eyes swelling with the pity that Yorkie always despised seeing. “Yorkie…”

“No. Just give me the skates, please.” Yorkie said, holding her hand out and trying to ignore Kelly’s eyes. She needed to learn that oversharing would only get her pity, and the attention she didn’t want. Kelly handed Yorkie the skates, and showed her how to put them on once she sat on the bench.

“Alright. Now be careful when you stand up.” Kelly said, and offered her hand for Yorkie to hold on to. Even with Kelly’s support, Yorkie struggled to stand her ground, yelping each time she almost fell over.

It was clear that Kelly was trying to hold her laughter in, “Let’s get moving. Things will be much easier that way.”

But it was not. Yorkie found herself sliding and slipping with each and every movement, barely held together by Kelly, who had her arm wrapped around Yorkie’s. Kelly’s laughter at every one of Yorkie’s slip ups started as very annoying, but eventually, Yorkie chimed in with laughter of her own.

They had barely made it halfway around the rink before Yorkie’s foot slipped, causing her to lose all balance. She squeaked, seizing her body up. Lucky for her, Kelly managed to snag hold of Yorkie’s waist, and pull her up before any damage was done.

Yorkie’s shaky laughter faded as she looked how close Kelly was to her. Their stomachs were pressing into one another, and Yorkie could see every speck in Kelly’s gleaming eyes. Kelly leaned up, and captured Yorkie’s lips with hers. It took a moment to process what was happening, but in no time, Yorkie was reciprocating. Her lips moved in sync with Kelly’s.

In an instant, Yorkie felt the tension in her shoulders fade. She wanted to melt into Kelly right then and there, but they were in public. People were probably  _ staring.  _ Yorkie was the first to pull back, letting out nervous laughter as she wiped away some of the saliva on her lip.

“Want me to teach you again?” Kelly asked, locking arms with Yorkie once again. Yorkie gave a gentle nod, and kept her grip on Kelly tight as the two women began to skate across the outer edge of the rink. The first few minutes, Yorkie was slipping and sliding, not able to maintain her balance for nearly as long as she needed to. Once she had gotten into the rhythm, though, Yorkie’s strides were smooth and confident, matching those of Kelly.

“Hey, there you go!” Kelly said, starting to loosen her grip on grip on Yorkie, but Yorkie pulled her back. She felt comfort on the feeling of Kelly’s muscles shifting as she strode again and again, in sync with Yorkie.

The two of them skated around the rink multiple times, bumping each other, and breaking into laughing fits as the other almost fell to the floor. Yorkie wondered why she had never done this before, and it started to weigh on her. This is the kind of things she missed in her life, both before, and after the accident.

“So, you have any girlfriends before…?” Kelly started, but trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Yorkie knew what she was trying to ask, though.

Yorkie shook her head, “No relationships, remember?”

“Right.” Kelly’s tone was thoughtful.

“How about you?” Yorkie asked, “how many relationships did you have before all of this?”

Kelly was silent for a moment, something flashed in her eyes. “Oh, you know. In high school I was a dude magnet. Never really stayed with anyone too long. I guess I was just trying to feel what it was like to love someone. I could never find it. But then, when I was in College, I met Richard.”

Even the man’s name made Yorkie’s stomach feel sour with guilt. She tried to hide how tense she became from the weight of the guilt. She knew that she should just tell Kelly everything that had been weighing her down. All of the guilt she harbored. 

“He was…” Kelly loses her train of thought for a moment, caught in a daydream. “He was the most amazing man I had ever met. Our connection was instant, and we never lost that spark. That fucking spark, that led us to each other, over and over again.”

Yorkie’s breath quickened. It was in that moment, in the middle of an almost abandoned roller rink at 2 am, that Yorkie felt useless. Kelly and Richard had been married for almost fifty years, but Yorkie was too selfish to let them be together in the end. She clung to Kelly because she craved the love that Kelly had been chasing for years. The love that Kelly had found with someone else.

She couldn’t stand it. Yorkie thought she was going to barf, or cry, or both. Tearing herself from Kelly, Yorkie scrambled to leave the rink as fast as she could. Slipping and losing her balance as she went. After almost falling, she gave it up and tore the skates off.

“Yorkie!” She could hear Kelly calling for her, but Yorkie couldn’t get away faster. She choked on her own tears as she shoved the doors open. 

A gust of wind hit Yorkie dead on as she stepped outside, shivering with how cold it had gotten through the night. Some snot dribbled out of her nose, and she wiped it away with her sleeve.

Kelly was still calling for Yorkie, she could still see it behind her. For a moment, Yorkie thought of hijacking the Jeep, and taking herself back home. That would only add on to her guilt, which was already boiling over. She barely had time to think before she took off in a random direction, avoiding the town as much as she could.

Everything was pitch dark, and the ground was uneven. Yorkie had a harder time now than she did back at the rink, twisting her ankle as she hit a rough patch of dirt at the wrong angle. She hissed, and fell to the ground, but couldn’t find it in herself to cry out, or yell. She just lay in the dirt, curled in a ball while cradling her injured ankle.

She was in the middle of a dark field. It was cold, she was lonely, and wracked with guilt. The tears poured down her cheeks before she let them, the salt was familiar and warm on her tongue. Yorkie let herself lay and cry, the misery was too much to hold back.

If she was lucky, Kelly wouldn’t find her like this. Yorkie would have time to decompress and cry it out before finding her way back to Kelly. She wasn’t in any true danger lying there. If Yorkie wanted to, she could fall asleep in the middle of that field, and wake up the next morning, unaffected.

Yorkie’s breath came in fits and starts, inhibited by the tears that still streamed down her cheeks. The snot in her nose had built up to the point where she could only breathe out of her mouth. Everything about the situation was  _ miserable _ .

As she let the tide of shame and guilt wash through her, Yorkie stayed curled in the fetal position. Moonlight coated her as she hid from the world, drifting across her skin like a gentle blanket.

The adrenaline was wearing off, so the pain in her ankle became unbearable. She bit her lip to stop from whimpering from the pain. It was times like that when Yorkie wished she kept her pain slider all the way down, but it felt wrong. 

When she was just a tourist, Yorkie set her pain slider all the way to zero. No risk. But also, no reward. After passing over, Yorkie knew she wanted to live her life here as normal as she could have back in life. (with minor exceptions, of course) Not feeling any pain was unbearable to her; it felt so wrong. Before she set her sliders to the average settings, she pushed a sewing needle through her finger, just to see what would happen.

Nothing. Nothing did. 

Even as she was bleeding on the table, a goddamn  _ needle  _ through her finger, she felt no pain. It was wrong. She knew it was wrong. What’s the point of everything if you can’t  _ feel  _ your mistakes?

Yorkie began to calm, her breath still uneven, and a few occasional tears fell from her eyes, but she had begun to ground herself.

A light flooded around Yorkie putting her in the spotlight of humility. The rumbling of a familiar Jeep engine made her feel thick with dread.

“Yorkie! What the hell?” Kelly shouted, running over to where Yorkie lay, and pulling her to her feet. When Yorkie put the slightest pressure on her injured ankle, she cried out.

Finally, she had released the bottled up energy that was threatening to tear her apart. All the pent up anger was now flowing through her veins. It felt good.

“Hey, you hurt?” Kelly asked, putting her hand on Yorkie’s shoulder. 

Yorkie jerked her shoulder away, letting her anger drown out any other thought. While Kelly stood stunned, Yorkie limped over to the Jeep, resting on its hood so she could lift her ankle from the ground.

“What’s wrong with you?” Kelly asked, approaching Yorkie with slow movements.

“Nothing.” Yorkie’s voice was agitated, “I’m just in pain. I’ll be okay.” She couldn’t believe herself.  _ Still  _ lying despite Kelly having caught on.

Kelly sighed, “Just heal yourself, Yorkie.”

“No.”

“Come  _ on _ , Yorkie. Enough games.” Kelly’s voice was beginning to rise, “you can heal yourself in an instant here. That’s what this place is  _ for. _ ”

Something inside Yorkie snapped. A taut rubber band that had been stretched for too long. 

“Well, it isn’t that for  _ me. _ ”

Yorkie’s scream rang through the field, leaving both women in silence for a few beats. Yorkie had never yelled, at least, not like that. She had reached her boiling point, and she was scared that she may never come back down. But at that moment, she couldn’t stop herself.

“ _ You  _ may have gotten to live a  _ long  _ and  _ happy  _ life with your  _ perfect  _ husband, and your  _ perfect  _ daughter. But  _ I  _ had my life ruined before it could even start!” Yorkie spewed her anger, her thoughts, her feelings all through the empty field. 

“All I wanted to do was get a cup of water and go back to sleep, but you  _ dragged  _ me out here for your own benefit, so you could tell yourself that you tried, but I want to go  _ home _ , Kelly. I want to go back to sleep

Meanwhile, Kelly didn’t speak. 

Yorkie kept going, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks, “I know you think of this place as fake, and plastic, but it’s  _ my  _ second chance at a life I never got, and I’m going to live this life the way I want to live! The way I should have lived! I’m not going to let what my family did to me stop me from being free.”

Her crying had gotten harder, starting to blur her vision. She took a few deep breaths, and willed the words to come out, “I asked you to leave your family behind, and I feel guilty for it every day.”

“Yorkie…”

“It’s true.” Yorkie interrupted, her anger melting into grief, “I was selfish, and I wanted you all to myself. I made you leave them behind, Kelly. I’m terrible.” Her breaths were shuddering, “you don’t even want to be here.”

Kelly stepped forward, placing a hand on Yorkie’s cheek, “Why would you say that? Of course I want to be here.”

“Do you?” Yorkie asked, sniffling, “because you never seem to care. You’re always in your own little bubble. You look like you’d rather be dead than live in San Junipero.”

“Yorkie. I want to be wherever you are.”

Yorkie was more than eager to lean in when Kelly did, their lips crashing together with raw emotion. She didn’t even know why her lips were pressing against Kelly’s, but she didn’t want it to stop. Kelly had a pull, a way of attracting Yorkie to her. No matter how many times they touched, Yorkie would never get used to how Kelly’s skin felt against hers.

They were gasping for breath when the two women broke apart, but Yorkie kept her forehead pressed against Kelly’s.

Kelly was the first to speak, “I love being here with you, Yorkie. But sometimes, I just have to crawl into my own head for a bit, okay?”

Yorkie nodded, not enough to disturb her connection to Kelly.

“Have you really been guilty all this time?” Kelly asked, wrapping her arms around Yorkie.

“Yeah.” Yorkie replied, her voice miserable.

Kelly sighed, “It was my choice, Yorkie.” She bites her lip before she can speak again, “I miss them, yes. They were the majority of my life, something I never can, or should, forget. I love them with all my heart.”

Yorkie’s eyes locked with Kelly’s, as Kelly continued to talk, “But I honor them every day by remembering, and I can’t remember if I’m dead.”

Despite the morbid situation, Yorkie gave a small laugh, delirious.

“Thank you, Yorkie.” Now Kelly was sniffling, “thank you for helping me remember them.”

All of Yorkie’s stress faded away as they held one another close. She breathed in the smell of Kelly’s jacket as she let her grief float away, Kelly’s in tow. As they held each other close, they let themselves become one.

The moment didn’t last, though. First one drop, then two, then a downpour of rain caused them to panic, and book it for the Jeep.

“We should probably go home now, huh?” Kelly shouted over the rain and the wind as the Jeep sped off back to the beach house.

“Yeah.” Yorkie said, mostly to herself, “let’s go home.”

Yorkie felt immense relief when she finally landed on the bed. She curled up against Kelly, and let the smaller girl’s heartbeat lull her back into sleep.


End file.
